dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
