Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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