dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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