And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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