I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
