i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
