I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
