can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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