Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize