my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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