Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
