so explain again why im purple
no
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize