once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Semen is not good for contacts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
