The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
