your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
