so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
