Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
