I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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