he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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