Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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