We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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