Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
