her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
