Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
