And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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