It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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