i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
