on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
