I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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