and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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