The maid of honor just puked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
