I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
