If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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