wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
