It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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