she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
