we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
