im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
