He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
