I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
