I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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