I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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