I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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