Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
