I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize