Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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