Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
