my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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