This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
