i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
