I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
