I'm going to jail i love you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
