OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize