Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
