Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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