I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize