similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
