My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
