Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
