I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
