what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize