I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
