I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
