He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
