Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
