We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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