You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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