I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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