upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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