I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
where are you?
Hypothermia
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
