someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
