im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
