Your face is a jimmy john
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
