I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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