I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
40s are totally the cure
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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