It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
