so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
