Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
