it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
