a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
