She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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