forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
