I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
