Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
