11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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