I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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