Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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