How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
