We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
