She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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