member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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