it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
