Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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