I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
