You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
