Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
