She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
