no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
