I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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