i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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