Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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