I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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