I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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