oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
